I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
