I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
