if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
4 words: hood of his car
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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