I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
