I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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