Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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