the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
