you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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