After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
