So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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