one two three fourrrrnication!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
