take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
