I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
