Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She announced her abortion via fbk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
