she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
