I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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