You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
