I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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