I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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