The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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