I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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