i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
