I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
