Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
