she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
