....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
