Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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