smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
