not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
