I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
