Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
