if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
