I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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