well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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