how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
