wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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