Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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