it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
