i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
