margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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