As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
