Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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