I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
