Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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