Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
