Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
