Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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