I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my shit smells like andre
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
