Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
