I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
