I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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