The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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