also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
