I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
