I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
