New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They have beer where we have blood.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize