Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
