My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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