I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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