My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
