also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
