he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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