i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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