in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
