he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
